(Note: This is the "payoff" to a "joke" I texted you during The First 100 Days. You may remember it. Probably not. The joke: A special Saturday Night Live post, inspired by Greg Gutfeld: Drunk-Demolition-Derby. It's what rednecks call D+D. And they never insist on the ampersand....)
Dear Friends: The point of the joke was to be funny. And to make you think. They rarely go hand in hand. But if you follow the circle-logic above and wonder about the ampersand, aka the "&", and substitute an "&" for the "+", voila, you get D&D (aka Dungeons and Dragons), which is what all the progressives grew up playing, since it's all fantasy and no reality.
It's all in the details. Progressives are such sticklers for every little D&D detail, they'd insist on the ampersand, and wouldn't play without an ampersand, and probably pout unless you use an ampersand, and maybe throw a tantrum, unless you use an ampersand, while the rednecks only care about an ampersand if it's the kind of sand that slows down the Drunk-Demolition-Derby (aka the D+D. Rednecks drop the redundant D. And the ampersand. More efficient that way.)
Meanwhile, the progressives are still bleeping about a bleeping ampersand. Pretty soon, there may be a progressive hissy-fit. Over an ampersand. Because how dare you not use an ampersand? What are you, a redneck?
And the good old rednecks are having a hoot and a holler at the D+D, drinking and demolishing, which sounds like total fun, maybe even more fun than that time Cooter happened upon Daisy Duke's daisy dukes, with Daisy still in em.
As opposed to bleeping about a bleeping ampersand.
So I'm with the rednecks all the way. Progressives just aren't any fun. And it goes without saying, I'd much rather party with rednecks, which I've done plenty. Heck, how else would I get their sense of humor?
(Even better: I once also partied with a former member of Hell's Angels. Once. His stories were the best, even if unpublishable. Simply too offensive. But that's a story for another time. And, it's a good story.)
Of course, I've also partied with plenty of liberals. In fact, I've partied with anybody who ever felt like partying. Partying is fun. Much more so than work. I probably missed my calling when I didn't choose a career in partying. I certainly majored in it. And now that I think about it, what was I thinking? Partying full-time? As an occupation? No brainer.
Of course, as a full-time partier, I'd also be forced to party with progressives. And, as aforementioned, progressives just, aren't, any, fun. I can just imagine my party company (I'm not dumb; I'd own the party company, not work for it) being hired by a buncha progressives for some kinda progressive party. Probably a D&D party. Because those progressives really know how to party. (Side-note: D+D parties would be so much more infinitely fun. Drinking, Demolishing, and Daisy Duke? We'd do it for free. Beer included.)
But no, here's this buncha progressives, and they hire my party company to help em party. Which would probably require every employee I employ. And trust me, it'd be a big party company. Because I'd wanna party big. Not necessarily large, but big. So we'd be a niche party company. We don't party large. We party big.
(Meh. Maybe not such a great slogan, yet. I'd have to hire a slogan company to work on it. Because my party company would create jobs. In partying. And just think, calling in sick with a hangover would be part of the job description. Hell, if you're not calling in sick with a hangover, on a regular basis, I'd fire you. After a performance review, of course. I'd run a fair party company. And ironically, my party company would actually benefit from Obamacare. Think about that one for a minute. But don't think too hard. You might hurt yourself. But party like a rock star, if you work for me. We have Obamacare.)
And getting back to that progressive party, I'd have to charge them the Cadillac rate. Partying with progressives would be a chore, and not at all fun, and probably some sorta fantasy party, but not at all fantastic, like trying to play fantasy football with a buncha progressives. Imagine pick-up football, but not with Christopher Walken. (Big partier.) It'd be more like patty-cake football. Pick em last, they bleep. Don't throw it to em, they bleep. Throw it to em, they bleep. Mention the word 'pigskin', even once, they bleep. Explain it's only a metaphor, they bleat. (Think about that one.) And if you tackle em, they break.
So definitely, no real football with progressives. Flag football, maybe. But if you rip their flags too fast, they bleep. And if you only play touch football with em, and you touch em, they bleep. And if you never ask them to play football again, they go nuclear. So maybe my party company simply wouldn't cater to progressives. But God forbid, they'd crucify me for it.
Or at least, they'd try. We'd have big-party lawyers. And the support of our President Trump's business friendly climate. And, there's this grand old document called The Constitution.
For we here support our country in everything it does, and our President Trump in everything he does, even his tweets. And the liberal-media-complex can go tweet themselves, for all we care.
So thank you, President Trump, for being straight, always on the money, and with a welcome sense of humor. We support you, Sir, in everything you do for us, and especially your tweets. And the liberal-media-complex can go tweet themselves, for all we care.