Dear Friends: It's day eighty-four, and as predicted right here, way back in the day, also known as day ten, our President Donald J. Trump hasn't blown up the world yet, and has no plans to do so. But he certainly is bombing the bleep out of our enemies. Just like he said he would.
And he's doing it in a multi-faceted, multi-pronged, multi-competent attack clearly orchestrated by a man who hires the best, tells them to get to work, listens to what they have to say, and in the case of the military, says have at it. And gives them the authority to have at it. (And gives full credit to the military for the job well done, in both decision and delivery.) And, of course, he allows them the weapons to have at it, and we got some big bleeping weapons in this country, the biggest of which (in the non-nuke category) is the Massive Ordinance Air Blast, aka the M.O.A.B., aka the Mother Of All Bombs, aka the 'if you're gonna go big, go huge' bomb.
But they should probably call it the Moaby Dick. (And in one of those war-rituals, the military should paint Moaby Dick on its warhead, in huge letters.) It's the size of a whale, measuring in at a whopping 30 or so feet, and packing a whale's-ton load of ordinance, some 20,600 lbs., or so, which is like 10 or so tons, or like 20.6 Tomohawk missiles, and spouts out a whale's-plume of smoke some 10,000 feet in to air, which is like sending the entire world a smoke-signal that clearly says, "Don't bleep with Us. We have the Mother Of All Bombs. And we'll use it. Have a nice day."
In fact, the thing is so whale-like, it can't be delivered by a bomber, it requires the Hercules C-130 cargo plane, and as such, must be physically pushed out the back, and when it hits, said plane better be well on its way. (It detonates into a one mile blast-radius, which, if my 10th grade Geometry teacher was correct, would be a blast two miles wide. But don't quote me on that. Do quote me that it leaves a 300 foot wide crater, which is basically a football field wide. Huge message.)
And the irony of the whole push it out the back delivery method invokes none other than Stanley Kubrick's cinematic masterpiece, "Dr. Strangleove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb," quite possibly the funniest "war" movie ever made. (Anti-war movies abound, but it took a genius like Kubrick to make one of cinema's foremost comedic masterpieces about nuclear war, during the height of the Cold War. But of course, Kubrick's genius was to use the best technical equipment and techniques available to him, and the experts to help him operate such, and most important, the finest actors to help him realize his vision. (Maybe genius begets genius, but it's all about the team, if you're also smart.) And if you haven't seen "Dr. Strangleove", watch it for the three part virtuoso performance by Peter Sellers (a total fan-favorite here; see also "Party, The"), and for maybe the funniest comedic name ever in Col. 'Bat' Guano (think about that one for a sec; it's funny), and Slim Pickens, maybe one of the funniest "real" names in all of Hollywood history, in one of the funniest I-shouldn't-laugh-but-I-can't-help-it scenes ever, when his Maj. 'King' Kong rides The Bomb straight down toward the Soviets, cowboy style, and whooping it up the whole way, cowboy style, and with an actual cowboy hat, cowboy style.) And spoiler alert: that wasn't a spoiler alert. If you haven't seen "Dr. Strangelove," see it. You'll laugh at the absurdity of war.
Of course, war is only absurd to those not fighting it. And while all the snowflakes are out there flaking out, and all the protestors are out there protesting their right to protest other's rights to protests, and all the media worries about is whether United Airlines should be banned from doing business, forever, or whether Jared Kushner is at war with Steve Bannon -- wait, there's a war at the White House! Send in the troops! Where's Rachel Maddow! (Another perfect name, when you think about it.) -- while all this is happening, our President Trump is acting like the leader genius that he is. He's assembled his team of experts, he's giving them all the best equipment to their jobs, and he's being smart about it.
And while we offer no advice here, only skeptical opinions, the entire Kushner v. Bannon deal seems especially brilliant to us. Steve Bannon, the man with the resume as if tailor-made for his role, seems like the kinda cowboy who would ride The Bomb for us all, if called on to do so, and wouldn't blink an eye doing it. Jared Kushner, the man with the resume tailor-made for a lot still to accomplish, should work with Steve Bannon in whatever role primes him for his future role as the first first husband, for we here feel strongly that the first Lady President will be Ivanka Trump. And President Trump, Sir, you just keep bombing the bleep out of our enemies.